What Will it Take?

3 Oct

I have several visions of myself. Most of the time that vision is focused on all the things that are wrong with me. This vision probably stems from my perception that the list of things wrong with me is so big that it is all I can see. I should lose weight. I should be able to run further. I should be more productive. I should be a better housekeeper, a better time manager, a better organizer, a better listener, a better Campus Director, a better mom, a better partner. I should be able to figure out a way to stop little annoying hairs from growing where I don’t want them to grow. I should, I should, I should…
It’s overwhelming, this vision I have of myself and all my imperfections!
I live in this world and in this time and in the United States of America. I am in this culture that constantly lies to me. I see sitcoms where problems are solved in 30 minutes and everyone laughs all the way through it. There are magazines that tell me what beauty is thanks to photoshop and near voluntary starvation. In this culture we love to build up idols and tear them down. Look at poor Miley Cyrus! The “perfect” tween princess who is coming to the end of herself and her fame and her fortune in front of the whole world and we can’t get enough of the drama of what she might do next! We so easily forget that she is just a girl who is lost and broken and hurting with her own visions of all of her imperfections like a holey blanket not keeping her warm at night.
And then I read this story in Luke 16 about a rich man and a poor man. It seems simple enough. The rich man treats the poor man badly. They die. The rich man gets what he deserves and the poor man gets what he deserves. It’s a great story because what I really want is for the “bad” guys to get punished and the “good” guys to get rewarded. Never mind that those roles change with the daily headlines in the local news.  Sometimes it doesn’t take that long with our 24 hour news savvy world. I could be the hero this morning and the villain by the time I go to bed.
Isn’t there a different way this can all go?
I reread the story about the rich man and the poor man. This time I’m not focused on them and the justice meted out to their characters. I’m attracted to the third party. At the end of the story he says, “If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone were to rise from death.”
Now the common thought here would be wake up before it’s too late! What will it take to make you change your evil ways?
Of course immediately my list scrolls through my head: stop doing this and that, start doing this and that, and for Godssake quit the carbs! But as I sit here and meditate and quiet myself and listen, that is not what I hear at all.
What will it take to get you to leave that vision behind? What will it take to get you to transform the way you see?
It’s not a list of imperfections, but a beautiful soul standing before you in the mirror. God doesn’t care what you did or didn’t do today or yesterday or what you are planning to do tomorrow. God’s vision doesn’t waiver from your imperfections to the intention of your existence. God’s vision only sees the intention of your existence.
It’s a battle that I fight pretty much every day. Some days I go down in bitter defeat, but some days, I can see that amazing soul.



Much Love,


Jenn HillJenn Hill

Director of Campus Ministry

The Peoples Church of East Lansing



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